Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
