a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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