Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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