I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
