May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
