I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
