There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This is my gift to your gina
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
