Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
