Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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