Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
