At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
