Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my being single is dangerous.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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