I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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