If that was your dad, he is hot
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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