i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
