wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
