Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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