Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
