The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
