The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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