Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
