If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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