Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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