I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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