omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
