I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
