I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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