i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
