i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
