That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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