First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
