I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
