So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
