how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
