i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
