I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
