so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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