happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
