I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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