I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
