I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
