I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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