if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
