Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
