Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
