so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
how drunk are you?
Several
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
