Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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