tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
God, I missed his penis.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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