just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
