I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
