found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
