man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
