hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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